I was listening to the radio this morning, npr, and they were doing their memorial show for 9/11. They had a moment of silence at 8:48, when the first plane hit. For the first time ever I was touched by the momment of silence gesture. I haven't grown more conservative, just more scared.
During the momment I actually thought about that day. It was sunny outside and I had just gotten out of the shower, the windows where open in the kitchen and living room. I lived in a room that I had painted the floor yellow with blue and beige concentric cirlces radiating out from just left of center.
I remember distinctly the live feed of the smoking first tower, people where already on the rooftops looking south. Richard had been on ours and told me so. It was just Richard and I, Jack had already moved out and Nick's band was using his old bedroom as a practice space.
I watched the TV as Richard went back up to the roof and then over to Leja's. I remember the instant of the second impact and crying out in chorus with the entire neighborhood, not believing what I was seeing. The disconection of the special effect on the TV and the comprehension that is was real - it broke one belief, created another and twisted a third.
I hasn't changed my inate life strategy or how I deal with stress or that I live in a world that was essentially cruel or that I live in a world that I am even more disconnected from on a daily basis. It was a momment I remember. And that has nothing to do with what I really want to talk about.
